Here you will find my final project of ECS 110. I enjoyed the journey in finding my true self and I learned so much along the way. I truly am a new person and I hope to spread my knowledge to others throughout life.
Category: ECS 110
Writing the Self Analysis
i) Normative Narratives
For Canadian’s, feeling at home could mean many things. It could be anything from being physically present in your house in Canada to playing Canadian sports such as hockey, curling or lacrosse. In addition, many people relate to being Canadian and feeling at home when they are surrounded by other Canadians. The normative narrative that is present in these stories and readings, consists of the idea that Canada is extremely inclusive, and therefore being around Canadians, or others who share the same Canadian pride, inevitably means that you are at home. This is evident in a reading by James Daschuk. He opens up with, “As Canadians, we think of ourselves as decent, even good people. We’re nice. We take care of each other…”. By taking care of one another we are creating the sense that despite differences, Canadians are inclusive to one another and will always be welcoming with open arms. This narrative is also present in Karly’s piece. She tells the story of a chaotic and loud household at Easter. It shows that you don’t necessarily have to be at home to feel at home. You can be with those you love and still get the same feeling and the final line in her story shows that; “My family is filled with chaos, but it wouldn’t be home without it.” Similar to Karly’s piece, Annissa shared her story about a Canadian experience in London. She went to a pub with a friend where Jennifer Jones’s national curling team won the gold medal game at the Winter Olympics. All it took was for her to be surrounded by other Canadians singing the National Anthem to realize that she needed to be at home. This small encounter defines the normative narrative of being surrounded by other Canadians to feel at home. Similar to Karly and Annissa’s stories, my story detailed a memory of me at the Canada Winter surrounded by ringette team. Being at the rink, in the dressing room with my teammates makes me feel more at home than I do anywhere else.
The normative narrative of feeling at home surrounded by others is evident in all three of these stories. This is common for Canadians everywhere. We initiate our Canadian pride by being together and it is represented all around us. It is represented in the media, in our everyday lives and even in our identities. An article was written after Game 3 of the NBA finals stating that after the win, Raptor’s fans gathered together in Golden State’s stadium, the Oracle, to sing the Canadian anthem. Even though it was a road game, many of these fans would have felt at home because they were surrounded by other Canadian fans who were singing Oh Canada with Canadian pride.
These patterns show a feeling of belonging and being at home with our fellow Canadians. This unintentionally shows our great experiences of being in Canada. However, other Canadians may not feel the same way. They may not feel as comfortable as some of us do being surrounded by other Canadians. We should be asking ourselves, how can we make others feel like they belong? What can we do as Canadians to allow others to feel fully Canadian too?
ii) Creating Counter-Stories: Disrupting Normative Narratives
Karly, Annissa and I stated in our stories that we feel as though we are at home when we surrounded by our loved ones or other Canadians. In contrast to this feeling, Minseo writes about her family coming to Canada from Korea. It was a very exciting time for her family. At the end of her story she states how she feels embarrassed with everyone glancing and looking at them when her family grabs all their luggage, which is much more than everyone else. Even though Canada is now her home, she may not have felt that way because she felt judged by her fellow Canadians around her. Minseo’s story is a perfect example that disrupts the normative narrative that Canada is inclusive, and therefore being around Canadians, inevitably means that you are at home.
Karly, Annissa and I stated in our stories that we feel as though we are at home when we surrounded by our loved ones or other Canadians. In contrast to this feeling, Minseo writes about her family coming to Canada from Korea. It was a very exciting time for her family. At the end of her story she states how she feels embarrassed with everyone glancing and looking at them when her family grabs all their luggage, which is much more than everyone else. Even though Canada is now her home, she may not have felt that way because she felt judged by her fellow Canadians around her.
Some stories have the ability to silence other stories. In this context, these Canadian stories silence the stories of Indigenous people. According to the article Thank God for Canada!, we make it seem that Canadians are amazing individuals who save everyone and because of our “welcoming” personalities we make people feel at home as soon as they step foot on Canadian soil. However, this is not the case every single person or even groups of people. Like Minseo stated in her story, “A little bit embarrassed, I try to ignore the people glancing at us”, shows that Canadians are still quick to judge and a may not be accepting of immigrants or other cultures right away. This is also evident in the rebuttal to Thank God for Canada! by Melanie Delva. Her rebuttal is a clear example of how Canadians do not make other Canadians feel at home in Canada. For example, the Indigenous peoples are isolated to reserves with low quality living conditions. Instead of feeling as though they are home around other Canadians, they feel as though they are constantly being ridiculed and prejudiced against.
As stated in Melanie’s article, “our national narrative identity that we are nicer, kinder, and more compassionate than other countries/peoples”, is not true. Yes, we may seem like we are but in reality, we are not. We tend to associate Canada as a welcoming country but are we really? The judging glances that Minseo’s family received when they first arrived in Canada and how the Indigenous peoples are constantly being isolated and ridiculed shows that maybe we aren’t creating the narrative that home is being surrounded by other Canadians.
Reading Response #2
“I was taught to treat everyone the same” and “I am a good person; therefore, I am not a racist.”, are common quotes that are being said by White individuals everywhere and are perfect examples of white fragility. White fragility as said by Robin DiAngelo is, “the inability to cope with conversations about race that don’t protect individual white people’s sense of innocence” (Balkissoon, 2016).
When White people are confronted with the reality that they are being racist they become easily offended and are quick to say that they are not or they come up with excuses as to why they aren’t a racist. The fact that some individuals are so quick to deny the possibility of them participating in racism, shows the lack of knowledge surrounding the problem. If you are White, you are not pardoned from the structural, systemic or any particular racism that occurs in society. They are just as active in it as anyone else.
White people are not aware that they benefit from everything in society. Everything is evolved around being white. From hair products to commercial ads on television and the radio, it is all white. They are the superior race and therefore, by the definition of racism, they are able to be racist.
Instead of arguing and denying that White people are the superior race and that everyone is being treated equally, it needs to be encouraged to take responsibility for your actions. Being White does not excuse you from racism. Racism is still an ongoing problem in society and it needs to be talked about. Whiteness should not be equated with innocence because White people are just as much as the problem in racist acts as any other race.
References
Balkissoon, D. (2016). Whiteness is a racial construct. It’s time to take it apart. Retrieved from https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/whiteness-is-a-racial-construct-its-time-to-take-it-apart/article32301637/
Writing the Self 4: The Football Queen
“I’m open! I’m open!” I yell as I sprint down the field. Cut left. Cut right. Spin. I jump and feel the ball land in my arms. I continue to sprint, feeling my long ponytail fly in the wind. I feel someone right on my heels and two hands on my back. I lose my footing and slide on my stomach in the dirt. “Down!” I hear someone yell. I look at my new shorts, covered in mud and dirt. I love it.
“You can’t out run me, Chan.” Kyle says.
“I was going easy on you buddy! You’ll be eating my dust when I run into the end zone on this next down!” I say as we both laugh.
As I run back to my team, I look over to the sidelines and see the other girls in my class.
“Oh my gosh! I love that braid. Can you do it on me?” One girl says.
“Are you wearing lipstick!? My mom would never let me!” Another says.
Ew. Braids? Lipstick? Are you serious? What a bunch of girly-girls. There is no way I would ever let someone touch my hair or face. I make eye contact with one of the girls. She looks at me and laughs. What is she laughing at? She’s the one that looks ridiculous with all that colourful stuff on her face. The other girls turn to look at me. “You’re right, she is a boy!” one yells and the others laugh.
I am not a boy. I am a girl who likes to play sports. There’s a difference. I just roll my eyes in return. What a bunch of princesses. Who cares what they think. I am having more fun playing football than sitting there twirling each other’s hair.
I run back to my team into the huddle and say, “Listen up boys. We have one shot. One shot to win the Recess Bowl. Austin, run a slant. Mitchell, run ten yards and hook back. Everyone else go deep. Braeden, find one of us in the end zone. Ready, break.”
We line up on the line. The recess bell rings. One shot. We only have one shot. “Blue 55. Blue 55. Down, set, HUT!” I take off. The wind is so strong I can barely keep my eyes open. I can feel the dust and pebbles hit the back of my legs as I take every stride and my ponytail moving side to side across my back. I blow past the defense. Wide open in the end zone. It’s like everything is in slow motion. I see the ball, spiraling towards me. I reach for it. Victory almost in my grasp.
Someone jumps. Oh no! The ball is tipped. I am not losing this game. I dive in the dirt, lunging for the ball, scrapping my knees in the process. Ouch. That’s going to leave a mark. I stand up, football in hand, bloody knees and nothing but a smile on my face.
Writing the Self 3: The Unknown Star-Athlete
I take off my helmet, my cheeks red hot, and sweat dripping down my face. I try and slow my breathing before the coaches come in. Deep breath in, and out. Deep breath in, and out. My legs are still burning from the last conditioning drill, but boy did it feel good to get back out there.
“Wow. You were flying out there! What have you been doing all summer?” I turn towards the voice and see the one girl I was competing with the entire ice time. Man, she’s good. I am so glad I was able to finish the drills before her.
“I hired a personal trainer and did some extra sprints after the workouts so I can give you a little more competition.” I say jokingly. She laughs, but she seems disappointed. Did I say anything wrong? She goes to say something, probably another snarky comment, but we’re interrupted by the dressing room door flying open. The chattering stops. The room is so silent you can hear a pin drop.
The coaches walk in. You can hear their skates clatter on the cold hard floor. “Good work tonight everyone. You all worked very hard and we can tell that some of you have been training extra hard this summer. You should all have gotten an email regarding AA tryouts that are happening this week. Be sure to rest up, they won’t be easy. See you all Thursday.”
A series of “Thanks Coach” and “See you Thursday” rings throughout the dressing room as the coaches walk out. The chatter and noise begins again with everyone talking about the tryouts.
I bend down to untie my skates, the laces wet from the snow coming up during stops and starts. “So, are you excited for Thursday?” I ask her. She takes a while to answer me. This is a first, she always has a comment for everything I say. I wonder what’s wrong. “I’m not trying out”, she says quietly. Did I hear her right? She has to try out. What reason could there possibly be for her not to try out?
“What do you mean you aren’t trying out? You are one of the best players out there!”
“My parents told me I can never play AA because it’s too much money and we can’t afford it.” She says with tears in her eyes.
I feel unsteady. What I am supposed to say to that? My parents have never said I can’t do anything because money was an issue. Does this mean I’m privileged? Is ringette really that expensive that someone as good as her can’t play? I have to say something. Would it be awkward if I apologize? But what am I apologizing for? That my parents can afford it and hers can’t? She’s definitely better than me. It’s so unfair.
“It’s okay though, there’s always next year. Hopefully I see you around the rink?” She says as she flings her heavy bag over her right shoulder.
“Yeah for sure. I’ll see you around.”
Writing the Self 2: The Cambodian Princess?
Around and around I go. Faster and faster. I am getting dizzy. Everything is a blur. Maybe I should stop twirling. I don’t want to though, I feel so pretty in my new dress. I stop and look in the mirror as my dress flares around me. The sparkling gold and bright coloured jewels and gems glimmer in the light. I feel so beautiful, almost as beautiful as a princess. A grown-up princess just like my cousins. I bet they will think I look grown-up just like them. I can’t wait to show them. I race out of the room, “Sonee, Sothea, Sophie! Look how pretty I am!”
“You’re so beautiful!” Sophie says.
“And so grown-up” Sothea says.
“Really?” My eyes open wide and I can’t stop the big smile that’s growing on my face. My cousin, Sonee, is the greatest. Mom says I look like her the most. I hope I will be as beautiful as her when I am older. We could be twins and dress the same!
“Definitely. Let’s go downstairs and show your aunties how pretty you are.” Sonee says.
I jump down the stairs one by one, feeling my fancy gold necklace with the shiny red diamond swing back and forth, back and forth. I reach the bottom step and look up. Everyone is talking loud and running towards me.
“Oh! So pretty!” Oum Symoun says.
“Look at Niang. So grown-up!” Ming Ren says.
I am surrounded. I am squished as Oum Salouet’s arms wrap around me so tight. I can’t breathe. Ming Ren kisses my cheek and then sniffs me. Whoa. That is really weird. Do I smell funny? Is her nose running? What am I supposed to do? Do I sniff her back? Is this a Cambodian thing?
I feel a hand on my arm, pulling me from the crowd, “Come on! They want to take a picture of us.” Sothea says. I love pictures! I follow close behind, skipping with excitement. I feel hands on my shoulders steering me to the middle directly in front of the camera. Yay! I get to stand with my cousins. I grab Sonee’s hand. She’s so beautiful. I’m going to look exactly like her when I’m bigger. I smile to myself.
I look up towards the camera. I see Oum Symoun pointing at me and waving her hands in the air. Is she doing the chicken dance? No, she looks unhappy. Is there something wrong with my dress? No, it’s beautiful. Am I not smiling big enough? I smile bigger. That doesn’t seem to help. Why is she yelling at me and pointing behind my cousins? What am I supposed to do? Did I do something wrong? I feel my cheeks get warm. I bring my fingers to my mouth, biting my nails. Mommy would tell me to stop but everyone is staring at me. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Is there something wrong with me?
Sonee lets go of my hand and steps forward. “She doesn’t speak Khmer!” she shouts at Oum Symoun. There’s more shouting and pointing.
“No. Not in the middle. She too white. It will ruin the picture! Hide her in the back.”
“No, she can’t go there, she’s too short.” Put her on the end!”
Tears start to escape and roll down my cheeks. What do they mean too white? I am not white. My mom is white. I am brown just like my cousins. I look beautiful, like a princess. How could I ruin the picture? I want to hide.
Writing the Self 1: The Dressing Room
This is where I feel at home. Together with my teammates in the dressing room at the 2019 Canada Winter Games. Where you can hear the music blaring; the sound of the bass pounding against the walls. Where the smell of equipment covered in sweat, tears and hard work makes your noise scrunch and your eyes tear up. You know it’s a big game because the tension in the room is high. I can feel my heart racing. My palms are sweating and my stomach has an unsettling feeling. I look around the room and my teammates are doing their pre-game rituals, tying their skates, and taping their sticks. The top eighteen ringette athletes in Saskatchewan are sitting beside me and I wouldn’t want to have it any other way.
I take a deep breath to try and calm my nerves. I can feel my hands trembling as I bend down to tie my skates. The tough edges of the laces dig into my hands as I pull them tighter and tighter. I grab the rest of my equipment and finally pull my jersey over my head. I feel more nervous than ever. It’s almost game time. I feel a hand grab my shoulder. I look over and lock eyes with one of my teammates, one of my sisters. She whispers in my ear, “This is just another game. Do what I know you can do, and everything will go your way.” I reach over with tears in my eyes and give her a hug, knowing it could be our last game together. As I wait for my teammates to finish getting ready, I think about what I will say before we go onto the ice. Do I get them pumped up? Do I give a sentimental speech? Then it finally comes to me. I know what I will say.
As my final teammate puts her jersey on, I can feel all eyes on me. I stand up, walk over to the loud, booming speaker, and turn it off. It is so silent in the room that you could hear a pin drop. I take a huge breath, and begin. “I know everyone is nervous. You can feel it in the room, but let’s take a moment and not think about the game. I want everyone to think of what we have accomplished. We are at the 2019 Canada Winter Games. This is where every Canadian ringette player strives to be, standing hand in hand with their teammates on the blue line singing the national anthem of our amazing country. This is what being a Canadian ringette player is all about, and we have reached that goal. We are living our dream. Now I want everyone to take a look around the room. Look who’s sitting next to you. We are not just teammates. We are sisters. This is not just a team. We are a family. When you step on the ice today, I want you guys to think about that. Do not play for yourselves. Play for each other. Whatever happens, happens. But at the end of it all, we are still a family and this is our home.”
Chandria Yang 